i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize