K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
