She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
