You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
