once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
