I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize