Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
