I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize