you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
