frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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