CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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