Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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