Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
