I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
