well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
