Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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