I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Panties = found
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
