Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
