6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
