I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Your cock deserves a montage
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
