Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
