I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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