man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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