We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
what day is it and did you see me today?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
