I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
