should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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