You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I deserve this hangover.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
