Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
