dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
