Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
