so that wasnt chicken after all
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize