i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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