The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
