how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
