Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
