Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
