Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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