Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
