What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
