he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
