My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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