you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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