i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
So. Much. Porn.
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