how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
