Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
