obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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