im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
