Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
