i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
