Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
