HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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