What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
