OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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