Will you blow on my dice?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
