Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
