I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
