well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Your cock deserves a montage
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
