I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
