What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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