If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
