what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
