Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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