is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
