Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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