There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
