90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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