The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
